I've written about forgiveness in earlier posts, but this is something that keeps coming back again and again. I realise this must be because I have to forgive those who hurt me in order to heal and release myself from the past hurt and pain. And I also think this means that I have to ask for forgiveness from people whom I have hurt. It is a two way street.
What does forgiveness actually mean? It is easy to say, "I forgive you" to someone, but does this come from the soul or is it superficial only from the mind ? I read a story a friend of mine recently posted on Facebook about a person called Samandhar Singh who stabbed a nun and killed her in February 1995. The victim's family forgave him for what he did and today 20 years later have a strong bond with him. It is a heart warming story where the family's actions have led to changing a person from doing harm to doing good for all whom he comes into contact with. For me this is forgiveness from the soul.
Forgiveness transcends religion and politics, the two main causes for so much violence and hatred in today's world. Forgiveness is very personal to the individuals involved, no one can do it on someone else's behalf.
So how does one forgive from the soul ? Easier said than done in my opinion ! I believe that we have to be brutally honest with ourself to start the process. The questions I find myself asking are: Why should I forgive the person? What happens if I don't forgive ? How will it affect me ? Am I ready to forgive ?
Forgiving someone does not happen in an instant. I believe it is a process that takes place over a period of time. First comes the period where I feel the hurt and pain which is very essential to the process of forgiveness. After this comes accepting that something bad or unpleasant has happened to me and that I cannot change the actual event. Then comes the question of how I wish to feel about it now and in every moment in the future when the event comes back to me. The one thing that I realise is that I do not wish to go back to negative emotions every time I remember an unpleasant event. Negative emotions only get me down and feeling low - something that does not serve me in any way.
So where and how do I start ? I reach a point in my life when I am actually ready to forgive the other person. Once I am ready to forgive, I can start thinking of the other person without negative emotions and start detaching the negative emotions from the actual event. This brings in peace because I am no longer reliving the pain and hurt; which brings me to the stage where I am able to face the other person (either physically or mentally) and say the words "I forgive you". This to me is the biggest step to take because it is not an easy one. And if it is difficult, then I think I comes from the heart and soul. I also think that saying "I forgive you" once is not enough, I have to say it time and again when I find myself feeling low and the ego wants to take me back into negativity. But as with all things, there comes a time when I can look back and know that the forgiveness is complete.
I am only in control of my thoughts and actions and can only forgive those who hurt me, I am not in control of someone forgiving me. But I think that if I can honestly and genuinely forgive someone who has hurt me, then the chances of a person I hurt forgiving me will be more.
Have a blessed day.
In Love and Light
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